one year -- from there to here. 11 august 2018. from there. from there on the couch. where i would wake at three a.m. one ordinary saturday morning, out of my doze to find my partner, then. dead on the floor, not yet forty years old. a cruel trick of the fates, i'd find myself … Continue reading one year — from there to here.
tiny book #1, ca. 2000 - 2006 // photographed by pan ellington. i first wrote this line on the very first page of the very first tiny notebook i ever carried. begun years ago, the specific number of which i will forgo mentioning here. it was one of those lines that tend to pop into … Continue reading life and death in one hour.
alcatraz federal prison, 22 november 2018; photographed by pan ellington I stood on the top deck at the back of the boat, hands in my pockets, wondering at the depth and warmth of the darkness and the very bright light of the moon. It would be my first adventure without Her, something I’d wanted to … Continue reading for Our love & for that morning.
trump magazine covers by artist edel rodriguez; 2016–2018. I’ve been sitting here watching all of America lose it’s mind for the past five days, extolling the virtues of former President and World War II Navy Hero George Herbert Walker Bush, who passed away peacefully last Friday at the age of ninety-four surrounded by loved ones … Continue reading the north lawn legacy of george herbert walker bush.
daft punk, sahara tent, coachella valley music & arts festival, 2006; photographer unknown. You can only really know if you were there that night to witness live — Daft Punk’s set at the 2006 iteration of the Coachella Valley Music & Arts Festival. Guy and Thomas as their Robot personas atop a pyramid of light, Close Encounters’ … Continue reading requiem for coachella — by way of beyonce.
samoline avenue, circa 1981; photographed by pan ellington. I beat my alarm by two minutes, this day beginning for me like they all do. Up at six thirty to be at school by eight, I clear my eyes, feel them focus on the textured ceiling of my bedroom, probably toxic, and long since destroyed by … Continue reading samoline avenue — an excerpt from a work in progress.
This is a bittersweet fucking story to write. Only this far in, my eyes already filled from flipping through, trying to choose the first photo that I’ll use. She was unlike any other that had been in my life before that. My previous a Labrador / Pit Bull mix that came to be known as … Continue reading strong and loving — song for stuart elizabeth ellington.
I’d seen the news break as I moved from the couch to my bedroom early that Sunday morning. Half here, half there, I don’t remember exactly what I’d read. A shooting. A nightclub. Orlando. Then I drifted off to sleep again, an echo of a long ago Tuesday. I don’t remember exactly what I was … Continue reading empty and heavy.
“purple rain,” cassette — 1984. I’d thrown (the man who called himself) my father for a loop, the Wherehouse at Stonewood Mall in for the Hello Kitty store that Friday, where I’d spent most of my allowances prior. Another drive begun down Telegraph Road, another journey to buy a pencil case, a trinket, or some other little … Continue reading dearly beloved.
aidsgate poster, act up, 1987. I walked the short walk that night from our little cottage to Chasen’s Restaurant with Melanie, my partner at the time, her best friend, Pete, and his partner, Jeff —I was twenty-three and on my way to my first protest. Pete was the first person with AIDS that I knew. He’d … Continue reading speaking ill of the dead.