*record scratch, freeze frame* yep, it's me. you're probably wondering how we got into this situation. i. election 2020. i found myself saying the same goddamn thing this year, as well. no surprise there, i've been saying the same goddamn things over and over these past four years, living in the cyclical dystopian nightmare that … Continue reading barrelling towards the denouement, in four parts – fear & loathing as america burns.
i realize it's a miracle that i've been able to live in the bay area as a blue collar artist hustling about $25k a year at my joe job waiting tables in a hotel restaurant. it's also a miracle i can take sick days and paid time off doing this kind of work, a benefit … Continue reading into the covoid – a brief from an american service worker.
julius warhol, paul frank/andy warhol foundation; ca. 2002 i'd kicked myself after the fact for not wearing my vintage paul frank tee that day, a collab with the andy warhol foundation, circa early aughts. maybe that's what led to the fate of pan's fifth, i thought. we'd stayed until the museum closed, having wandered the … Continue reading requiem for pan’s fifth.
sticker bombs : about to deploy. as an indie artist out here living outlaw style on the edges of late capitalism, i'd posit that most of us have one - fatal flaw, achilles heel, call it what you will. mine? that eternal struggle, negotiating the space between my creative productivity and self-promotion. the slap poem … Continue reading a brief note on the artist’s fatal flaw.
one year -- from there to here. 11 august 2018. from there. from there on the couch. where i would wake at three a.m. one ordinary saturday morning, out of my doze to find my partner, then. dead on the floor, not yet forty years old. a cruel trick of the fates, i'd find myself … Continue reading one year — from there to here.
tiny book #1, ca. 2000 - 2006 // photographed by pan ellington. i first wrote this line on the very first page of the very first tiny notebook i ever carried. begun years ago, the specific number of which i will forgo mentioning here. it was one of those lines that tend to pop into … Continue reading life and death in one hour.
alcatraz federal prison, 22 november 2018; photographed by pan ellingtonI stood on the top deck at the back of the boat, hands in my pockets, wondering at the depth and warmth of the darkness and the very bright light of the moon. It would be my first adventure without Her, something I’d wanted to see … Continue reading for Our love & for that morning.
trump magazine covers by artist edel rodriguez; 2016–2018. I’ve been sitting here watching all of America lose it’s mind for the past five days, extolling the virtues of former President and World War II Navy Hero George Herbert Walker Bush, who passed away peacefully last Friday at the age of ninety-four surrounded by loved ones … Continue reading the north lawn legacy of george herbert walker bush.
25 june 2018; photographed by pan ellington.“I suppose it’s like the ticking crocodile, isn’t it? Time is chasing after all of us.” I’ve been staring at this blank page for months now, feeling the weight of Her death, the dichotomy that its sudden tragedy being years in the making, the meaning it has & will … Continue reading against the dying of the light — the third piece.
for bea, 7 july 2018; written & photographed by pan ellington. Have you ever watched the narrative of your life fold back upon itself in variations of the same theme, playing itself out in repeating patterns over the years? Most of the time I can’t help but fucking laugh. This time, though, there’s really nothing … Continue reading brave. for beatrice.