that sunday at work; 20 march 2022. after a while and so many things, a succession of life and lives and friendships exploding and ending, it just got to the point where all i wanted was a little fucking peace, brother. and after another while i would find it. in my own little world, in … Continue reading into the light – the return of the pan.
weekend sleepover with tom; los angeles, ca; 2010. he, most definitely, was not planned for. i'd started at city college not long before and was working at a dog rescue slash indoor daycare as an attendant - adding another dog to the house, the furthest thing from my mind. they'd named him tom at the … Continue reading song for edgar ellington – king of the laundry, prince of cats.
it used to be that just about seven or eight o'clock every night i'd smoke myself a tightly packed bowl before settling in to my little ikea sectional and what had become my nightly ritual. popping my earbuds in, i'd close my eyes and press play, sometimes an album, sometimes a playlist, mine or sometimes … Continue reading lost music, tom’s diner, & little nas x at the arch of the rainbow.
my name is pan ellington and i am the queer trans sun of martha renteria & harry young. i write this requiem in honor and memory of carlos renteria, my uncle, life partner to bob. charles renteria, ca. 1950s portrait of a queer american family; east los angeles, ca - 1978 // photographed by martha … Continue reading requiem for charles renteria, my uncle – a gay man born in 1932.
the four horsemen of the apocalypse - artwork by jukenos on deviantart as i write this a fire burns southwest of lake tahoe that, as of today, covers almost two hundred thousand acres. it is one of many currently burning throughout my state. as i write this i'm thinking of the boy in kabul who … Continue reading stumbling towards the apocalypse – a manifesto.
henry's at the graduate hotel; berkeley, ca.; 2020 the signs hang undisturbed in windows all across america - "now hiring." and workers aren't biting, as i'm sure you've heard by now. with everyone from the united states chamber of commerce, your mom & pop restaurant owners, chain restaurant regional managers, ceo's and c-suite management types, … Continue reading out of the covoid – a brief from a retired american service worker.
it's a weird time, you know, on the one hand i'm feeling hopeful from seeing the leadership of the country beginning to right the ship, but then on the other just out here waiting for my shot, still hunkered down and hoping a variant doesn't get me, while our asian brothers & sisters fear leaving … Continue reading recent happenings.
*record scratch, freeze frame* yep, it's me. you're probably wondering how we got into this situation. i. election 2020. i found myself saying the same goddamn thing this year, as well. no surprise there, i've been saying the same goddamn things over and over these past four years, living in the cyclical dystopian nightmare that … Continue reading barrelling towards the denouement, in four parts – fear & loathing as america burns.
exciting things are afoot as we all take a deep breath and exhale any remnants of the fuckery of a year called 2020 today, borne partly from the decimation of the restaurant industry and the uncertainty of its (& thus, my job's) return post-pandemic, born partly of self-reflection & the hard work of healing, i'm … Continue reading things afoot in ’21.
berkeley, ca. signage; sunshine & happiness; 20 may 2020. on our way to the store; 20 may 2020. andronico's imports; 20 may 2020.