double exposure; downey, ca., ca. 1978 double exposure: (n.) the repeated exposure of a photographic plate or film to light, often producing ghost images. Oxford Languages Taken in our living room in Downey, from her archive of photos, chronologically ordered and in shoeboxes in my closet, the photo shows two angles from the same point … Continue reading double exposure – a reflection for march 16th.
Author: pan ellington
the last chairbender – our hero for 2020 III.
artwork by zach raw, @zachrawartwork It would come through my feed the day after Christmas, a blip through the transom that arrived at my eyes via retweet by an internet stranger friend. What was it about it that made me click when so many other videos of the same ilk before had not, I cannot … Continue reading the last chairbender – our hero for 2020 III.
maybe even the dream.
I've spent the last few debating whether or not to write about the whole god forsaken toxic mess. Because, you know, ultimately it really is meaningless. Except that it's not. Stability and all. I'd wanted to go another direction entirely, pondering first the much talked about, never to materialize red wave; the new owner of … Continue reading maybe even the dream.
the ides of October – the cruelest month.
dodgers dugout; nlds, san diego, ca; photograph via l.a. times I once again find myself suffering through yet another of the Los Angeles Dodgers' Ides of October - so distraught I've reverted back to capping my lines. Eliot was mistaken. April is not the cruelest month. I felt our impending doom as the season went … Continue reading the ides of October – the cruelest month.
daddy, watch me twirl – a requiem for leslie jordan.
He was our elder, yes, but not the level of elder that, say, Betty White was. I mean, as much as she was loved and grieved, I would posit the great majority of folks knew it would be coming soon. Which was why the news of Leslie Jordan's death last week came as such a … Continue reading daddy, watch me twirl – a requiem for leslie jordan.
into the light – the return of the pan.
that sunday at work; 20 march 2022. after a while and so many things, a succession of life and lives and friendships exploding and ending, it just got to the point where all i wanted was a little fucking peace, brother. and after another while i would find it. in my own little world, in … Continue reading into the light – the return of the pan.
song for edgar ellington – king of the laundry, prince of cats.
weekend sleepover with tom; los angeles, ca; 2010. he, most definitely, was not planned for. i'd started at city college not long before and was working at a dog rescue slash indoor daycare as an attendant - adding another dog to the house, the furthest thing from my mind. they'd named him tom at the … Continue reading song for edgar ellington – king of the laundry, prince of cats.
lost music, tom’s diner, & little nas x at the arch of the rainbow.
it used to be that just about seven or eight o'clock every night i'd smoke myself a tightly packed bowl before settling in to my little ikea sectional and what had become my nightly ritual. popping my earbuds in, i'd close my eyes and press play, sometimes an album, sometimes a playlist, mine or sometimes … Continue reading lost music, tom’s diner, & little nas x at the arch of the rainbow.
requiem for charles renteria, my uncle – a gay man born in 1932.
my name is pan ellington and i am the queer trans sun of martha renteria & harry young. i write this requiem in honor and memory of carlos renteria, my uncle, life partner to bob. charles renteria, ca. 1950s portrait of a queer american family; east los angeles, ca - 1978 // photographed by martha … Continue reading requiem for charles renteria, my uncle – a gay man born in 1932.
stumbling towards the apocalypse – a manifesto.
the four horsemen of the apocalypse - artwork by jukenos on deviantart as i write this a fire burns southwest of lake tahoe that, as of today, covers almost two hundred thousand acres. it is one of many currently burning throughout my state. as i write this i'm thinking of the boy in kabul who … Continue reading stumbling towards the apocalypse – a manifesto.