all apologies – the beginning of the end in the 1990's.

music video by nirvana performing all apologies. (C) 1993 Geffen Records

“I am an unrealized character…”

Luigi Pirandello – Six Characters In Search of An Author

It was the beginning of the end in 1990, the beginning of the end of the Cold War, the beginning of the end of a century, and the beginning of the end of countless young lives, a new decade ushered in by AIDS. And amidst all of this, a generation of queer Xers was coming of age.


“…he who has had the luck to be born a character can laugh even at death. He cannot die…”

Luigi Pirandello – Six Characters In Search of An Author

I just. I just want to feel fucking free. Free of all of this weight. Free without responsibility, guilt. Consequence. Free like I felt before my Mother died. Or that I imagine I did if I could remember it all. Free like I feel in my flying dreams. I wish I could stay young forever and never grow up. Hopefully I never will. Or I’ll Die. One of those tragic, young deaths still read about and fretted over decades later. The genius claimed too soon and that. I don’t fucking know where I’m going with all of this. Bound to die, no matter what, but still feeling the need to hightail it out of here as soon as I can in all of the ways that I can. Tiananmen Square happened on my birthday last June and The Berlin Wall fell last November. It feels like the world’s gone off the fucking rails, sometimes. I mean, it has. Having sex these days is a risk of your life and I haven’t even done it yet. The whole thing’s just really confusing. All Apologies.


“…the writer, the instrument of the creation will die, but his creation does not die. And to live for ever, it does not need to have extraordinary gifts or to be able to work wonders…”

Luigi Pirandello – Six Characters In Search of An Author

This is my work in progress, the story I’ve lived and the story I’m writing. Just one. Among many.


“Ours is an immutable reality which should make you shudder when you approach us if you are really conscious of the fact that your reality is a mere transitory and fleeting illusion, taking this form today and that tomorrow…”

Luigi Pirandello – Six Characters In Search of An Author

Support my work & become a patron on Patreon.