experiment 39 : 34.

this goddamn experiment 39 thing did not play out as i envisioned.
and i know what the reason is, i can’t pretend i don’t.
the life of imbalance, man.
i am passionate about school and for art.
and it just plays out that it has to be either/or with those two.
lovers of mine.  
i can’t just write creatively or do art, because to do that is to give myself over.
and to give myself over is to distract from academia.
and there’s not a lot of room for me to do that here.
at least with grad school as something i see for myself.  
what feels good, though, is the buzzbuzzbuzzing that continually seems to fill my head.
either that or i am now mentally ill.
or more so now than i was before.
women – another of this type of category.
i want to be one of those people who can overcome shit like this.
to do, like, a lot.
maybe i will be one day.
for now, though, i’ll work with what i got.
a little bit of time.
to revel in the muse 
to see what she’ll let me reveal.
so experiment experischmitt.
a musing is a musing.

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