experiment 39 : 24.


pan ellington.

pan.  the boy who wouldn’t grow up.  who never ages.  leader of ‘the lost boys.’

as soon as i was able, i actively sought to revert to the childhood i’d always felt i’d lost.  and i think it is quite possible that i believed this with such fervency that i might have manifested it physically.

his androgyny.  and mine.
then there’s this…
i think i might have written about this before.  but i can’t seem to get it out of my mind.  and although i don’t play piano, i can’t help but draw a parallel to writing.  writing as dreaming.  something i strive for, even in my writing for school.
tomorrow i will have been here one year.  and it’s been a year of profound growth and change for me.  renaissance.  a rebirth.
and i know this is going to sound pretentious as fuck, but for the first time in my life, i am able to see myself as an artist of sorts.
pan ellington.
just finished the fifth draft of my novel.  based on a specific time of my life.  the voice.  is me.  but not.  a version of me.  the blending of fiction and reality.

i guess this is just an experiment, really.

living in drag, in a way.

as the outlaw.

a way i can make my life into a work of art.

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